I woke up Monday morning asking, “Why? Why am I doing what I am doing? Is it making any difference? It’s all just getting monotonous and boring. And, I am really tired. And, again, is any of it really making a difference”. Now, I may have just had a really bad case of “The Mondays” (Office Space reference, anyone?). I may just be really tired. Or, I may just be going through “end of the semester stress/blues” (still happens for me even though I am not in school anymore. It may come from spending so much time with college students).
I just got an email from one of those college students expressing some of the same feelings. I think I am just going through a “season” of the year. I think she is going through a “season” of life (I have been there done that once or twice).
Anyway, my quiet time (and journaling time with the other pastors) was spent in I Kings 19. It’s amazing that this Scripture had been picked for that day over six months ago! This text is about Elijah and it basically starts with Elijah saying, “I have had enough Lord!” God had just done some amazing things through Elijah, a “mountaintop experience”, and now there are people that want to kill him. Elijah is overwhelmed. He is tired. Tired of being brave and courageous and tired of being cowardly and running for his life. I am not sure how seriously to take Elijah’s pleading with God to “take my life”. Is he really ready to die here or is he saying this as a figure of speech like we do sometimes. I am not really sure, all I know is he says this and then lays down for a nap.
Elijah wakes up to an angel “tapping” him and telling him to “get up and eat”. Now, this is kind of funny to me because Elijah wakes up to find a cake of bread sitting next to him. How appropriate that Elijah is depressed and God knows that when we are depressed the thing we need more than anything else is cake! I wonder if Elijah requested some Ben and Jerry’s as well?
Here is the cool thing about Elijah, he does what the angel tells him! He doesn’t complain to the angel (as tired and frustrated as he may be). Instead, he takes a small simple step of obedience. Is Elijah going to save the world with that step of obedience? No. Will that one step save all his problems? No. So, when Elijah is done eating he goes right back to sleep.
Then he is awakened again to an angel telling him, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” Again, Elijah takes that first easy step of obedience and is then strengthened to take the next step of travelling for forty days and forty nights (forty tells us God is probably preparing him for something pretty cool).
Elijah arrives at mount Horeb and there God meets him in a quiet whisper and tells Elijah that he is to begin passing on his ministry to Elisha.
I can’t say that reading this story has made me feel completely refreshed and refocused! In fact, I stared, tired, at my computer for a long time before writing. I have learned a couple of things. First, God is interested in us taking the next small step of obedience. Saving the world is ultimately up to him, I am just glad to play a part in it.
Second, if I don’t take that first small step I may not arrive at the place of refreshment. Nor will I find what God’s purpose or plan is. What if Elijah had just decided to sleep and “live” in his depression asking God “why?” or “what’s the point?” instead of being obedient? It is not always for us to know the big picture. This is why faith, hope and trust are so important.
Third, God’s faithfulness must be our constant (a bit of a Lost reference here). If we are our constant, we will find ourselves emptied and lost at times and have no where to turn. If our constant is our friends we will find them to be as imperfect as we are ourselves. And, if our constant is our circumstances we will find that we can go from those “mountaintop experiences” to the valleys in a matter of days. God’s faithfulness may look bleak at times, but that doesn’t mean it is bleak it just means that we aren’t able to see it as clearly.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
What does it mean to follow the LORD completely?
We have been working through the book of 1 Kings on Sunday mornings. I have enjoyed studying this book far more than I thought I would. To be honest, much of the book would make great material for a reality show on VH1. Not too far from Hogan Knows Best or Meet the Kardashians (I promise I have not seen either of those shows, but I don’t expect you to believe me).
Anyway, we started by studying David and his sexual struggles and then moved on to Solomon (the Message says “King Solomon was obsessed with women”) and then Rehoboam. I have really been challenged by a description of Solomon that is also repeated about Rehoboam. The Bible says, “Solomon did evil in the eyes of the Lord; he did not follow the LORD completely, as David his father had done.” This statement has caused some difficulty for me. You see, in my mind David could not have followed the Lord completely if he slept with Bathsheba (not his wife) and then had her husband killed to cover it up. How could someone screw up this badly and still be considered someone who followed the LORD completely?
What I am learning is that my understanding of grace and justice does not line up with the Biblical account. One way to reconcile this is to determine that the writer of the Biblical text has made a mistake or lapse of judgment (of course, I have to believe that this mistake happened twice). However, there is another way to address this problem and that is to consider that my understanding of grace is too small. The difference between Solomon and Rehoboam and David is that David is repentant of his actions (even if he is slow to get there). In Psalm 51 we learn of David’s brokenness and remorse. He confesses his sin to God and cries out to God asking that God would create in him a clean heart.
According to the description of David in the accounts of Solomon and Rehoboam God does just that! Now, I understand that God forgives us when we repent (I John 1:9). But, according to the accounts of David, God doesn’t just forgive us but sees us as righteous!! Of course, I have heard this but for some reason David’s story makes it so much more real to me. Somehow this understanding of grace leads me to believe that I am more than a sinner saved by grace! I might somehow be considered by God to be a person that “followed the LORD completely” despite my screw ups (of course this is because of God’s grace). How freeing that is for me!!!
Look, we all screw up. And most of us have some understanding of grace and what it means to be forgiven but, my guess is, that far too often our understanding of God’s grace falls way short. We are too often blinded by our own sense of justice. I wonder if David considered himself to be someone that followed the LORD completely?
Anyway, we started by studying David and his sexual struggles and then moved on to Solomon (the Message says “King Solomon was obsessed with women”) and then Rehoboam. I have really been challenged by a description of Solomon that is also repeated about Rehoboam. The Bible says, “Solomon did evil in the eyes of the Lord; he did not follow the LORD completely, as David his father had done.” This statement has caused some difficulty for me. You see, in my mind David could not have followed the Lord completely if he slept with Bathsheba (not his wife) and then had her husband killed to cover it up. How could someone screw up this badly and still be considered someone who followed the LORD completely?
What I am learning is that my understanding of grace and justice does not line up with the Biblical account. One way to reconcile this is to determine that the writer of the Biblical text has made a mistake or lapse of judgment (of course, I have to believe that this mistake happened twice). However, there is another way to address this problem and that is to consider that my understanding of grace is too small. The difference between Solomon and Rehoboam and David is that David is repentant of his actions (even if he is slow to get there). In Psalm 51 we learn of David’s brokenness and remorse. He confesses his sin to God and cries out to God asking that God would create in him a clean heart.
According to the description of David in the accounts of Solomon and Rehoboam God does just that! Now, I understand that God forgives us when we repent (I John 1:9). But, according to the accounts of David, God doesn’t just forgive us but sees us as righteous!! Of course, I have heard this but for some reason David’s story makes it so much more real to me. Somehow this understanding of grace leads me to believe that I am more than a sinner saved by grace! I might somehow be considered by God to be a person that “followed the LORD completely” despite my screw ups (of course this is because of God’s grace). How freeing that is for me!!!
Look, we all screw up. And most of us have some understanding of grace and what it means to be forgiven but, my guess is, that far too often our understanding of God’s grace falls way short. We are too often blinded by our own sense of justice. I wonder if David considered himself to be someone that followed the LORD completely?
Monday, April 14, 2008
Confessions of a Deacon
One of my clergy friends in Oklahoma posted on his blog in response to a blog posting of one of my seminary friends now living in Texas. I began to comment on his blog, but realized I had a post. Trying to follow blog manners I am posting my response here instead.
To start, read Matt's post here.
Here is my response.
Matt, have enjoyed your blog. I have wanted to comment many times, but have been afraid to come off as cynical or jaded. I hope I am neither of these, while still owning the fact that I am frustrated with much of the antiquated policy of the UM church.
Anyway, I know that my decision to go the deacon route had everything to do with my lack of faith in the appointment process. Now, some of this can be chalked up to call (I don't have a need to be the lead guy) but the appointment process was certainly a pivotal factor. I feel called to serve the younger generations that have been consistently overlooked by the church (and that trend seems to be growing rather than getting better if we believe the stats). I suspect that if I were part of the appointment process my call would be less important than serving the "greater good of the conference" (every time I hear this it makes me want to puke. I believe this "greater good" is one of the reasons local churches are dying).
Anyway, as I read your blog and others (including the writings of Bishop Willimon and Schnase) I can't help but think there is a growing movement to address these issues and questions. General Conference 2008, I think, will set the table (unless it is consumed by less important things) and 2012 General Conference will have to address the questions. At least the dialog is happening!
To start, read Matt's post here.
Here is my response.
Matt, have enjoyed your blog. I have wanted to comment many times, but have been afraid to come off as cynical or jaded. I hope I am neither of these, while still owning the fact that I am frustrated with much of the antiquated policy of the UM church.
Anyway, I know that my decision to go the deacon route had everything to do with my lack of faith in the appointment process. Now, some of this can be chalked up to call (I don't have a need to be the lead guy) but the appointment process was certainly a pivotal factor. I feel called to serve the younger generations that have been consistently overlooked by the church (and that trend seems to be growing rather than getting better if we believe the stats). I suspect that if I were part of the appointment process my call would be less important than serving the "greater good of the conference" (every time I hear this it makes me want to puke. I believe this "greater good" is one of the reasons local churches are dying).
Anyway, as I read your blog and others (including the writings of Bishop Willimon and Schnase) I can't help but think there is a growing movement to address these issues and questions. General Conference 2008, I think, will set the table (unless it is consumed by less important things) and 2012 General Conference will have to address the questions. At least the dialog is happening!